Of accommodating organization cultures......

I have no idea what to call this... but it really had my friend and me in splits for ten minutes!!

The story goes that around lunchtime, my friend recieves a mail from his boss with the following subject:

IEEE Seminar on 30th August 2008

As such mails with most bosses go, my friend naturally got suspicious. After all, his boss was actually asking him to go to a seminar??

The body of the mail just had the following words:

IEEE is conducting a seminar on Entrepreneurship on the 30th of August 2008 at xxx place

Please see if it is useful for you.


Okay, this is a new one..... However the piece de resistance was the following line:

It is free.

So how is that for the goof of the year?? You allow your subordinate to go to an Entrepreneurship seminar just because its free!!

So its OK if the subordinate gets motivated to quit and walk the lone road, just because its free??

Like I told my friend, he's lucky to have such an open and accommodating organization!!

Consulting? What is Consulting?

I was talking to an IIM-Bangalore student yesterday, who I happened to meet in a restaurant. We were both waiting for our food and I happened to ask her what she intended to do after graduating.

"Oh, I'm going to get into consulting", was the reply.

So my next question was, "So what, in your opinion, is consulting?"

"Its bringing high value to the client we work with, by our expertise and experience, so as to enable them to excel in their respective industries"

Spoken like a true consultant. Her professors would be proud. Her campus recruitment office would be proud. The corporates who interview her would be floored. This kid sure had a bright future!!

But then it got me thinking about the whole deal about consulting. Having a few years of consulting experience myself, I felt there were three little issues in that definition:


1. Bringing High Value to the Client

That is usually the client's expectation. Somehow most clients believe that they can hire this magician to come and work magic with their troubles. Consultants also, on their part, consider themselves superheroes. So very rarely is the problem the focus of the engagement, as consultants pull out their rabbits... pseudo-American accents, 50+ slide presentations, huge pivot-table spreadsheets and volumes of Arial 12pt documents!! Woe befall the client who is not wowed by this show!!!

Fix: Understand that the client has the expertise to fix the problem. The consultant only shows the way. The consultant can never bring high value. She can only enable high value.


2. Our Expertise and Experience

This is the fault that most large consultancy companies are unanimously guilty of. I agree that the collective intelligence, expertise and experience of the entire firm is a huge force to reckon with. So most consultants can wield a lot of power with that force. But very rarely are consultants taught to wield it in the right way. Most of the time, this force turns into a baton to silence client and stakeholder objections. "We're the consultants from <substitute with your favorite top consulting firm>, what we say is Gospel truth... and we say it will work!!"

Fix: Go back to the common knowledge pool and check for similar cases. Then understand how similar assignments were delivered. Do not, ever, rehash an old assignment deliverable. The consultant may use the structure, but never the content of the old deliverable. Look for ideas to solve the problem at hand. And listen to your client with an open mind. He knows more about the business than you possibly ever will!!!


3. Enabling clients to excel

A tall order that one!! Very rarely does a consultant genuinely understand what a client's parameters for excellence are. Simply, because he hasn't asked the client. Coupled with their "Our expertise and experience" belief, consultants end up promising the sun, moon and a few stars, when all the client wanted was a better lightbulb. And the rest of the assignment is spent window-dressing every deliverable to justify that promise!!

Fix: Under-commit, over-deliver. Before an assignment begins, define quantifiable parameters for success with the client. Meeting those parameters are the objective of your assignment. Moreover, put a strong framework in place, with processes that enable the client to sustainably perform on those parameters. Educate your client to measure and optimize performance. All that works much better than window-dressing.


So to all the consultants, who are and will be, you may say anything that sounds good in an interview, a client meeting, a sales pitch or in an elevator.... but know that when it comes down to delivery, its your reputation that's on the line if you can't back up your word... with or without your firm backing you!!

Laloo Prasad Yadav - Communicator Par Excellence

The No Confidence motion is over, the UPA won and the markets are upbeat. Finally the country can get back to business. And as the Finance Minister P. Chidambaram put it smugly, "No reform will be 'Left' out now"...

But despite all the allegations, all the mudslinging and all the treachery that goes with a No Confidence motion, there is one aspect that I highlight here, which is no where political in nature. And that is the superior display of communication skills that one rustic "son of the soil" displayed on Tuesday.

I have always maintained, as my friends will bear testimony, that Laloo Prasad Yadav is one of the best communicators in Indian Politics today. For all the jokes that you may make about him, no matter what Shekhar Suman says, he still can hold an audience rapt. His speech in the House on Thursday bears solid testimony to this fact.

Let me explain my argument by starting with the fundamental question:

What is Communication?

The Oxford Dictionary defines Communication as:

communication

• noun 1 the action of communicating. 2 a letter or message. 3 (communications) means of sending or receiving information, such as telephone lines or computers. 4 (communications) means of travelling or of transporting goods, such as roads or railways.

My definition of communication is "the transfer of a message to the reciever of communication, such that he understands it".

To me communication has nothing to do with command on the language, impressive style, proper grammar or immaculate pronunciation. Communication is getting the message across. Period.

So what makes Laloo an excellent communicator?

I see three distinct points of distinction:

Simplicity: Laloo would make John Maeda [The Laws of Simplicity] and Jack Trout [The Power of Simplicity] exceptionally proud. His language is simple. His ideas are simple. Hence, there is no one who can claim that his oratory is above their level of understanding. So more people understand and appreciate what he says.

Humour: The classic hallmark of all Laloo interactions is his use of humour. I have always maintained that humour is one of the easiest and best attention arresters, the others being sympathy, intimidation and pronography. Lalooji's wisecracks are witty, sarcastic and his unique delivery causes no hostile reactions. So after every joke, everyone's listening to the talk in rapt attention, waiting for the next one coming. Audience attention guaranteed.
[Also no apologies for the spelling of Humour. I learnt English from the British.]

The use of Metaphors: This is the Laloo signature. He can use the most amazing array of metaphors, from ridiculous [comparing Bihar roads to Hema Malini's cheeks] to downright philosophical [comparing the behaviour of the Left to Kalidas, who once cut the branch on which he was perched]. The metaphors stem as an offshoot to the simplicity aspect. Everyone understands the content of the metaphor, everyone understands the context.

A professor of mine once told me, when we were debating our effectiveness as communicators in Business School, "Don't measure yourself by the complex presentations that you give or the superbly fluent language that you use.... rather measure yourself by the ability to explain to the chaiwala [tea stall owner] what you do for a living or what latest management theory you learnt from HBR. If you can do that, you're a great communicator!!"

Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav is a lawyer by qualification. I have no idea whether he's read Aristotle's Rhetoric or ever taken a Public Speaking course. He may not have the polish and diction of Jawaharlal Nehru, the inspiring rhetoric of Martin Luther King or the audience arousal of a Barack Obama. But if he can keep that most unruly of audiences, the politicians in the Lok Sabha, either in total splits or listening in rapt attention, He is a great communicator.... and there's no doubt to that!!

I hope someone uploads his speech to Youtube!! If that happens, the link comes here first!!

Update:
I found it... here it is!! Laloo's Speech on Tuesday!! Too bad if you don't understand Hindi... ask someone to translate it for you... it'll be worth it!!

A nuclear deal?? Anti-Muslim??

One of the most ridiculous things I've heard in the past few days is related with the Nuclear deal that India intends to sign up with the United States.

Finally it seems the political circus has entered its comedy act, with all the jokers putting on quite a show. With alliances being formed almost overnight and a no confidence vote to be done tomorrow, this is classic Indian politics at its best.

But the one that took the cake was a statement by the Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister, Mayawati:

Bahujan Samaj Party president and Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati on Tusesday, July 1, termed the proposed Nuclear-deal 'anti-muslim' and said it had upset the political applecart of Congress-Samajwadi Party combine.

''The deal is being done at the cost of cheaper gas from Iran and Muslims are vehemently opposed to it", she told a luncheon-press conference at her official residence this afternoon.

I really wonder if the lady realises that cheap gas does not really make any difference to the common man, not just the common Muslim, if he can't afford the food to cook on it!! Inflation being out of control, I wonder if the nuclear deal really is that important a topic right now.

Iran is good, but isn't it the need of the hour that they start to think about India... and more so, Uttar Pradesh??

Eureka Moment: CrossLoop

IT never ever fails to amaze me. Just when you think it has all been done, something innovative comes along and just blows you away. Compound that with the fact that you've been looking for something like it.

So my folks at home, far far away had a big spyware problem with the PC and as I was the only one who fixed it before I relocated, they sent out cries of help. Now its an interesting situation... I can connect to the internet from a cybercafe with a public IP address while they were on a PPPoE link with a natted private IP address. In simple words, I could not connect to them directly. That made every remote management option, PC Anywhere, VNC [Tight, Ultra or otherwise] and the "famed" Microsoft Remote Desktop go out of the window.

And I just wondered.... what if it can be done over the internet, irrespective of firewalls, network architecture, protocols etc.......

ENTER CrossLoop!!!!

CrossLoop is "a consumer Internet company that empowers everyone to help someone anywhere in the world with its free and easy-to-use software application for desktop sharing. CrossLoop connects computer users with trusted, qualified service providers and friends who can provide the support they need quickly and conveniently."

So that is the equivalent of turning the internet into one big helpdesk. The company intends to play host to a large number of Technical experts, like ExpertExchange, but who can actually log into your computer and help you with your problems.

The company intends to build a business model around it which would enable homemakers, students, friends, tech help consultants all help other people in need of tech help and get paid for it.

As far as security is concerned, even though this allows a remote user to log into your machine, your presence in front of your machine is essential. That keeps you alert for misuse or information theft, because you can see what happening on your PC.

And as far as marketing speil is concerned, CrossLoop floored me with this:

"Inherently, there is tremendous potential for knowledge to be transferred – a grandparent who has been taught how to edit and post videos online should be able to take that knowledge to a peer. With CrossLoop, you can teach someone (or even a class) remotely. CrossLoop shrinks distances – between countries and between those who have and do not have expertise. In the process, we reduce our carbon footprint!"

I know, the purists are gonna scream "BUT WHAT ABOUT SECURITY??" The people at CrossLoop have really thought about this, judging from the slick FAQ they wrote about security, covering every aspect from the security of the download to the security of the connection.

But then, coming back to my specific problem, I found the concept real neat. I've still to try this with my home PC. But this is gonna be very very exciting to watch in the future.

Bangalore at the polls!

With the world watching the American Presidential elections intently and its seeming impact on the state of affairs globally, Karnataka state went to the polls on Saturday, May 11 2008. It was a rather amusing experience for me, as it was for the first time that I witnessed an election as a bystander!! Nope, I did not vote!!

Now before you all jump to conclusions and classify me as an irresponsible citizen, let me make my interesting position clear. My voting constituency is in Mumbai, so essentially, in a Karnataka election, I don't get to vote!!!

Rather ironic, considering the outcome would affect me bigtime!! I work here, in the IT industry!! Much of the policy decisions that take place in the Karnataka Assembly would directly affect my job!! So I had an ulterior stake in getting my local brethren to exercise their franchise responsibly!!!

There was an interesting article that then appeared in the following Sunday news websites. Despairing news about the voter turnout, but rather interesting in its demographic analysis. Apparently it went on about the following points:

1. 72.5% people voted in the rural districts compared to the 44% BBMP residents
2. Women outnumbered men in most booths
3. First-time voters said candidates mattered to them and not parties

A few interesting insights develop here.

Firstly, rural India is more concerned with who governs them than Urban India. It is difficult to say whether New Age consumerism or old world apathy insulates the urban population from wanting political stability. However, I'm not sure whether urban India really understands the implication of long term political stability on their daily lives. True, most of them have food on the table, irrespective of who's in power, but eventually there is no explanation for not wanting more out of the political system.

Secondly, kitchen economics are a powerful motivating factor for demanding political stability. For a mother or wife who wants to ensure the best for her family, economic phenomena like inflation and commodity shortfalls are experienced and dealt with at an operational level. Compound that with the fact that the education levels of the population keep increasing, thanks to IT and new age economies in this Silicon Valley of the East!!!

Lastly, I believe there is a general decline in interest for casting one's ballot, as one takes part in more number of elections. A young voter who has just turned 18 cannot wait to get to the polls and "do it"!! Again, couple that with the increase in understanding and responsibility for the political selection process which goes beyond party ideologies and answers the simple question: "What can that particular candidate do for me??" The solution is to have fewer elections, by voting for more stable governments!!

Coalitions sadly cannot be eliminated, but its better to have a group of sensible cooks cooking the broth!!! Much lesser chance of them spoiling it!!

On a lighter note, the article also made a small observation on logistical problems:

However, army security personnel had difficulty communicating with the people. “Hindi ka problem hai. People don’t seem to understand what we say,’’ Sube Singh, a BSF officer said.

I understand the problem perfectly, my man!! I've been facing it for six months now!!!

On Setting Corporate Values and Brand Values

I saw a great fundamental question on LinkedIn asked by Pasi Rahikka.... and I came up with a classic answer. Somehow, LinkedIn won't allow me to post it. So I'm putting it up here.

Here is his question:

• How should the corporate values be created?
• Where do they come from?
• Can the brands a company has have their own values?
• Can these extend the corporate core values?
• Where do the brand values come from?

Here's my answer:

There are two ways to set corporate values.

The easy method is to take a lot of jargon words like Stewardship, Respect, Trust, Honor etc etc., flip a coin and chose five and write real professional sounding and complex sentences around each one...... That's the Dilbert method....

Jokes aside, there is only one foolproof way to develop corporate values. And it takes time, maybe weeks, maybe even months.

Start with closing your eyes and trying to answer the single most important question that one should ask while setting corporate values:

"What do I want people to think about when they think of my company?"

For example, when Richard Branson thinks about what people think about Virgin, he visualizes smiling people having a ball of a time with really innovative, "WOW" products and services.... Now check the Virgin website, you'll find this: "In our customers' eyes, Virgin stands for value for money, quality, innovation, fun and a sense of competitive challenge." See the point??

So obviously, there is your starting point. The more vivid your visualization of how people should react to your brand or company, the stronger the chance that that is you identity. This visualization can take a long time to develop, but it is a foolproof way to pinpoint your values.

Now, write 5 simple words that capture that visual. Forget the jargon, the marketing, the MBA vocabulary..... 5 simple adjectives that describe your visual in completeness. These are your target qualities.

Now the final step. For each target quality, write what you need to become to achieve that target quality. These are your CORE VALUES. For example, Mother Theresa's Missionaries of Charity would have a target quality like "Service to the Poorest of the Poor". The core value would be "Benevolence".

Its not an easy method, but if you refrain from taking shortcuts, it is indeed the most effective.


Let me now answer the other questions:

Yes, individual brands, like whole companies can have their own values. The process for finding these is basically the same... to find what people think about when they think of your brand. One word of caution, let not a single brand specific value be in conflict with even one the company values. This can ruin either the brand or company, usually both. This is the danger zone.

It is safer to extend the corporate values to the brand specific values, but it should never be forced on the brand. This can cause an identity crisis for the brand. Rather, it is better to do the above exercise for each individual brand. That way, each brand will develop its own unique identity.

On a final note, I leave you with a real example of Corporate Values. Visit this site and then ask the nearest Indian you can find about the company...... and listen carefully to what they have to say..... you'll know what I mean by the "visual" in the exercise!!!

Honor among thieves???

Frankly there's nothing to the title of the post, but then it was the first thing that came to my mind when I sat down to write on this.

So when two former bitter rivals sit together for a conversation about the future of the Computer industry, sparks will fly. Guy Kawasaki, former Apple evangelist and Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, sit for a fireside chat at MIX'08. The result is a lot of fun as well as a lot of insight...

Guy asks the right kind of questions and Steve answers with each one of them with excited clarity....

So here's the link to the actual video. It was on the Microsoft site, so you would have to install Microsoft Silverlight..... but it was really worth it.... after all, you can uninstall it later!! So if you want the Silverlight version, here it is!!

Watch out for the point where, right at the start, Guy calls Steve and Microsoft "racists" for not hiring him in 1987!!! That's classic Guy!!!! And then Steve tries to almost "destroy" Guy's new Macbook Air..............

I guess old habits die hard, even with age!!!!

Oh, and Steve supposedly gives out his supposed "official" email id for the record!!! And Guy eggs him to give out his phone number as well!!! Watch out for that, just in case you get the blue screen on your Windows machine!!

Accessible HR for the H!!!

I was discussing "work life" with a friend over coffee and he brought up a very peculiar practice in his organization.

Apparently the HR department of his organization was placed in a secured cubicle room in the building. Few employees, if any, had access to this secured cubicle enclosure.... which evidently made use of state-of-the-art electronic access methods.

So each time my friend needed some help with HR, eventually he was supposed to address this on the phone or if the matter needed the "physical presence" (sic) of the HR person, he was supposed to reach the place and call the HR person out of the enclosure.

This reminded me of a strange business model that banks had, where you would be charged each time you used the services of a human teller at the bank. Another reason I kept my money with the nationalized banks.... after all, I hate to be restricted to finite options of machines.....

But that's digressing from my point. Eventually Human Resources is a function to manage the Human Capital of an organization. Restricting access to the HR department is similar to not allowing the Materials Manager into the stockroom, or maybe not allowing the Finance Manager to touch the Account Books.

Perhaps the HR department was inundated with multiple queries about trivialities like "Where do I get the company transport?", "What is my PF number??" [PF is akin to 401k in India] or during appraisal time, when that million dollar question is repeated a thousand times: "When are the raises being announced??".

But the solution for that is definitely not putting HR in solitary confinement. Companies would rather do well by checking whether there is a discrepancy with the policy or processes by which these trivial issues are addressed in the organization. If a trivial query continues to arise with clockwork regularity, there is a good chance that the issue has not been addressed adequately enough in the process implementations, inductions, knowledge sharing sessions, HR orientations etc. that companies do as part of their onboarding or employee engagement initiatives.

The fallout of this, as I see it, will be a sure disconnect that employees of a company will develop with the organization. Sooner than later, employees will consider HR as an ornament, who comes in and organizes the occasional party or off-site outing..... and that possibly the only sensible way to solve a problem that genuinely requires HR intervention, like a coworker conflict or harassment, would be to QUIT.

Just like a bank that offers me lousy service, I'll just take my business elsewhere!!!!

So much for talent retention..........

Corporates and Web 2.0 in practice

Something I came across while surfing the IBM website. I'm usually a regular visitor here for all the good content they put online.

And then, I scroll down to the bottom of the page, looking for the email option to share it with my friend and I see this....



Now though it may seem like something very very obvious to do in this day and age, this was the first time I saw Digg and del.icio.us on a corporate website. Maybe I'm just slow.....

But that got me intrigued enough to check the websites of all the big corporates I could think of. And the score was 3 out of 15 big brands using newer non-conventional tools to reach out to larger audiences faster......

This tells me two things:

• The company cares about its visitors. So if those visitors are adopters on the Internet curve, they just care that you can connect to them in a way that you care about. And then you tell everyone you know about it.
  
• They care about their web presence and brand. They're not shy to use tools that only social networking sites, bloggers or otherwise tech geeks would use. Effectively leveraging every available way of reaching out to whoever wants to listen.

As Seth would say, "Being safe [read conservative] is dangerous". No wonder I keep going back to IBM's site..........

Eureka Moment: VisualCV

Each time I visit Guy's blog, I get a "eureka" moment [minus the "running naked in public" act]!!! So I've decided to put in a new post type in my blog, called "Eureka Moment". Its going to be the place where I post about new stuff that I find neat.... or as Seth would say.."remarkable"!!!

The latest is a cool thing called VisualCV. According to the creators:

"VisualCV makes a traditional resume come alive with video, pictures and a portfolio of your best work samples and other supporting documents. Informational pop-ups provide background data on the companies you’ve worked at and the colleges you’ve attended. You can securely share different versions with your own network of employers, colleagues and friends, and control who sees what. "

I signed up immediately and checked out the features. Its pretty neat, considering I've always wanted a Flash-type resume like all those hotshot web developers... but was limited to Microsoft Word Hell!!!

The best features I like are:

1. Its on the Internet. So no more gripes about not having access to my mail to send out my resume to someone who asks for it.
2. Its easy formatting, so your resume looks real nice and you don't have to go Cntrl-Z Cntrl-Z over and over again.
3. You've got lots of jing-bangs like pop-up keywords, pictures, videos and the rest. You won't find me integrating it with my Orkut or Facebook sites, but hey, it's possible!!!!

But my pet peeve is the data entry. I hate filling up forms, especially the long online CV ones. I know about cut and paste magic, but its so damn boring!!! One reason you won't find me on a matrimonial site.....

But I loved LinkedIn, and I'm sure this is going to be as useful.... but its just cool pointing someone to a link when they ask for my CV.

Have fun, people!!!

In search of practicing Presentation Zen.....

Through my general reading of Seth Godin and Guy Kawasaki, I was introduced to a great book called Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds. Garr effectively says that the best presentations are the ones that deliver the message effectively, in the simplest manner possible. He draws on the profound simplicity of Zen principles to illustrate how Presentations can be made more effective and essentially more communicative. After all, that's what presentations are supposed to do, right? Oh, and its not a How-to for Powerpoint, Keynote or the OpenSource Impress.... Its a great book. Garr also evangelizes about it on his supporting website.

But I have a small doubt [I usually have one with all the popular stuff, but then, that's just me!!!] Its great, when you're doing presentations like Seth or Guy or any other Management guru.... you have the choice of content, flow, design and many a time, delivery methodology.

But what about the little guy at the bottom [LGATB]?? Chances are, he works on more presentations than Guy and Seth together work on in a week. And chances are, someone else decides the content, the flow, the design [usually official] and even the delivery!!! So what's a LGATB to do if he's read Presentation Zen, the Laws of Simplicity and knows Guy's 10-20-30 rule by heart??? Some of the reasoning not to practice zen which come his way are:

1. Its not the official template and format. The big guys will object to that....
2. You're not going to put in the explanation text?? What do you mean "text heavy"??
3. This is a business presentation. We can't put cartoons in there....
4. Just one word?? Just the word "THINK" on a black background?? You're gonna waste the rest of the slide??? [I'm sure there were others who came up with that idea before IBM and its ad agencies did!!!]
5. What do you mean you won't put this graph?? Its not relevant and there's no space?? Increase the number of slides, but that graph stays. What if the boss comes with a question on that??

And the number one reasoning:

I'm the boss/presenter/speaker/the guy with his neck on the line!!! Just do it my way!!! No need to get creative!!!!

Ouch!! That last one kinda nails it!! If I had a penny for every time I heard that one.....

So I believe you have to write a few books, be a VC, start-up a few firms, make tons of money or in the least, be way up in the hierarchy to start practicing Presentation Zen.

Achieving nirvana, however, is a personal thing...........

Check out this Guy.........

One of the nicer and more "value-adding" blogs I've followed in cyberspace belongs to a guy named just that... Guy Kawasaki. Now though Guy needs no introduction... er... at least to the right people, [sorry Guy, my neighbor's grandma did not know who you were!!] all that I need to say is that he's a Venture Capitalist who he believes is a bit different from the rest of them.

I've read Guy's books since I got into Business School [and you thought B-School only gave you bad habits like making simple things complex with graphs and pie charts!!]. Actually I've just read 1/4th of his book, Art of the Start. Yeah I know, I thought I'll go through his bibliography backwards!!!

One thing about Guy I like is that he finds the same things to be cool that I find cool. That's when I read his blog entry about Spokeo. Now though I think it might give you glimpses into your friends' lives that they might not want you to know [for example, he did not send you his Flicker link of his vacation pics, because he did not want you to see them, right??]. It'll also give you a glimpse of that cute girl who messaged you by mistake but will not send you her picture. So I'm concerned that this may raise those silly privacy issues, but if you just wanna be friendly and keep a tab on your pals, then Spokeo can help you do it!!! Check Spokeo out here!!

Oh and if you want to see pics of a 50+ Japanese guy reliving his childhood with his kids on a WW II submarine, check out Guy's blog here

Of Recruitment Consultants.............

This one I could not resist. I'm sure I echo the pain of millions of IT jobseekers when I post this. I'm really not sure whether I'm getting a bit emotionally motivated to post this, but I just had to make a point.

For any job seeker worth his resume, especially in the IT field, we have got into the habit of recieving 35 mails a day from recruitment consultants trying to convince you that you are a right fit for a profile that has nothing to do.

Just for the record, I'm an IT Infrastructure Consultant. I advise and guide customers about how to use IT Infrastructure effectively. My experience in writing code is limited to C and Perl and that too, just for kicks. I've never written commercial code in my life.

And then I recieve a mail which tries to convince me that I'm the one to do it. After 9 long years honing my skills in Networks. Here is the mail, verbatim. I thought I'd spare the recruitment consultant his 15 minutes of infamy, so I let Mr. CottonEye Joe from XYZ speak to me:

*****************************************************************

Hi Professional,

while congratulating you for your resume being picked and short-listed by us for Top 10 clients in INDIA.

We are pleased to let you know that one of our reputed client is looking for a qualitative professional just like you.
Our client particularly looking for the following skills: Technical Architecture - Microsoft Professionals with 5 to 9 years of IT Experience only.

Demand - Skill/location specification is as below

SKILL LEVEL LOCATION

Technical Architecture - Microsoft .Net Professionals
TL
Bangalore,Mu! mbai,Hyd erabad,Chennai

Technical Architecture - Microsoft .NET Professionals
AM
Bangalore, Chennai

Education: B.E degree in Computer Sciences, Electronics or equivalent; extensive experience and demonstration of required skills may be considered substitutes for
degreed educat! ion.

XYZ - In constant pursuit of Excellence
XYZ will provide you with a world full of opportunities, enviable avenues, very alluring yet enterprising cities, most incredible pay packets and some of the most prestigious corporate companies to choose from and work with. We are glad to have some of the fortune 500 companies in our clients' list to challenge your appetite for the best in the market.

Talent, merit, intelligence, hard work, and perseverance are the things we revere and respect. We value your ingenuity and strive to fit you in the best available! job and position you rightfully deserve. We see to it t! hat you will get the boost to reach for the highest orbit of your career.

XYZ - add wings to your career!

Kindly send your updated Resume along with your salary details and contact details to us in the next available moment to help us help you build your dream career.

TREAT THIS MATTER MOST URGENT AND RESPOND IMMEDIATELY.

Please send us the following details:

Current and Expected CTC:!
Notice Period:
Preferred location :
Date of Birth:
Mobile no:
Email id! :
First name:
Last name:

Kindly send your updated Resume to us in the next available moment to help you build your dream career.
&! nbsp;

Best ! Wishes
CottonEye Joe, XYZ

************************************************************************

This mail actually left me with a myraid of emotions.

It started with "elation", I've always wanted to be known as a Professional..... maybe the best way would be to make it my first name??

Then it turned to clear "joy", I had finally got so famous that I can get shortlisted for a job without an interview.

"our reputed client is looking for a qualitative professional just like you." Sure, do they look for other types as well?? Feeling: Bow down before the Master, lowly employers!!!

Then comes disbelief! Microsoft .NET!!??!! My resume is out there is cyberspace, but I can lay a bet that .NET never even featured as a typo in it!!! At this point, I kinda felt like Neo in the Matrix, where he says..." I know kung fu". Only thing, Morpheus answered, "Sure thing. No need to show me".

After this I lost track of it. Frankly because when someone is telling me about a job, I want to hear the job description. That's what they taught me in Business school!!! But then there's no more job and I get a nice marketing pitch about the recruitment consultant company.

I have still to find a recruitment consultant who is not "In constant pursuit of Excellence" and who will not "provide you with a world full of opportunities".

But then this would take the cake. "enviable avenues, very alluring yet enterprising cities". I'm still wondering!! If you can figure this one out, mail me.

"Kindly send your updated Resume to us in the next available moment to help you build your dream career." Sounds like an infomercial, doesn't it... "Our operators are standing by. Call now".

I think a disclaimer would look professional as well, in addition to that marketing tirade. Something like "If this mail is not relevant to you, please ignore the same". But NO!! The mail had to end perfectly unapologetic for wasting my time, filling up space in my mailbox and abusing my personal information which they had [I'm referring to my email id, which incidentally also contains my REAL FIRST NAME].

So now you know, with what confused emotions, I write this post. I wonder if my fellow professionals in other countries have it as bad. If only they read my resume, those two pages that I've slaved over for nine long years!!

I guess I'll just go lie down for a while now.....................

Resolutions!!!

Happy New Year to you.

Naah, I'm not going to list down a long list of wishes that I resolve to do this new year. However in the true spirit of marketers, I got curious and looked around for resolutions of the marketing masters.

Seth Godin has been a favorite guru of mine, with his ideas and style of presentation both being vast learning grounds for me. For those who came in late [I love that line from the Phantom], Seth is the pioneer of Permission Marketing and of "being not necessarily the best, but definitely being Remarkable". He writes a blog which is continuously on my Netvibes Feed.

Here's what he says about New Year Resolutions:

"Google yourself.

If you're a salesperson, your prospects already do.
If you're looking for a job, your prospective employers already do.
If you've got a job, your co-workers already do."

Wanna know how to fix what you find?? Head to Seth's Blog and his post about "The first thing to do this year".

Oh yeah, and tell Seth I tracked him back. Maybe, just maybe, I can leech off some of his site traffic to mine!! Can't help it, Seth, I learnt to be remarkable from you!!!

Thinking of the Black background??

A lot of people asked me why there is a black background on my site.

Apparently a white or light background, causes the computer monitor to consume marginally more electricity to display the lighter colour than the darker shades. So if the black background comes on, instead of the white or lighter ones, there is less energy consumed, causing lesser fossil fuels burned to produce it in the first place, eventually causing a little less damage to the already abused environment.

So if you are reading this, I just saved you something on your electricity bills.

And if you think I'm just blabbering rubbish, oh and by the way, a lot of people do, you might as well visit the Blackle site. Its a spoof of Google, minus the white background. As for why, you better read their pitch on it here.

I just reserved some place in Heaven as well [I hope]

Long Time No Blog......

Well its been some time, I've been all busy with my management studies..... and frankly I've hit a blogger block!!!! No new ideas or observations.....

Watch this space!!!

Do Large companies kill smaller companies??

Obviously, duh?? Of course larger behemoths devour smaller fry. Its the law of the world. Remember Darwin?? Survival of the fittest?? Rings a bell???

Ah well, of course I've done my basic Biology course. The biggies do gobble up the little ones.

However the feast I'm talking about happens without bloodshed... no restructuring, no layoffs and definitely no takeovers. The way it happens, I'd say it's competition elimination without spending anything.... Now isn't that a dream run???

Picture the situation. Joe Engineer passes out of his engineering college with real hopes of changing the world. Though he never went to an IIT, he's had enough talk been given to him of the divinity of the engineering profession. Typically he joins up a top IT firm and begins his climb up the corporate hierarchy. At this stage, he's really happy to sit in front of a computer and wallow in megabytes of code, all with the intention of "putting a smile on the customer's face".

A year into the job, Joe suddenly realises that he's not exactly changing the world, but rather following code-correction orders from the Project Manager. Joe realises that to improve the situation, he ought to be giving those orders. So by hook or crook (more crook than hook usually), Joe Engineer becomes Joe Project Leader.

Suddenly Joe is now faced with a new monster. Project Finance and budgeting. Compared to these, building a supercomputer is a cakewalk. Joe also realises that his orders are now coming from top management, who now talk business rather than technology. Moreover, he also gets acquainted with Mr. Welch, Mr. Murthy and Mr. Gates and finally realises the path to true nirvana. And that path has a single milestone called MBA.

So Joe enrolls himself to be an MBA. Now it all starts to make sense. Organizational Behavior, Integrated Marketing, Financial Management, Project Management, all coupled with Peter Drucker, Tom Peters and Philip Kotler. He tops the Entrepreneurship course. Changing the world is now easier than ever.

Back in the job, Joe finds himself on a new pedestal. His old technology team doesn't know what to do with this 'outsider'. "After all, he's all past gone beyond understanding the beauty of a recursive algorithm", they say. So Joe goes to top management.

"Ah yes, the newbie", they say. "Promising young fellow", they say. "Let him learn the ropes", they say. And Joe is put in charge of his old team with the sage prophesy,"Someday, you will be CEO". Joe Project Leader is finally transformed into Joe Manager.

So poor Joe is back to doing what he was before he got his MBA. He'll never be back into technology, because he's an MBA. And he'll retire with the eternal hope that someday he'll be CEO, because he's an MBA!!

And that's how the new firms are killed. In the minds and morales of brilliant executives who want to break out, but don't know how and where. A sort of corporate abortion, prevalent in most top firms globally. And finally Joe disappears, a statistic, a face in the crowd. Without changing the world.

So much for Intrapreneurship and all that gas. Intrapreneurship forces one to think in terms of the existing or emerging markets, not radically as innovation is meant to be. For example, would an IT Giant stake into gourmet foods, even if the market for gourmet foods was booming?? Unlikely, with all that jazz about corporate focus, isn't it??

And Can Joe quit?? Possible, but very unlikely. Not if he wants to constantly hear, "You quit XYZ?? What are you, an idiot??" or if he wants to suddenly wants his social circle to disappear. Its easy if you're in a mid tier company to chuck it all and go the lone road, but when you're in one of the top ten firms, its a long long long way down.

So is there a solution?? Maybe. I'm still searching... and something tells me its in the force of collective efforts... A team ... to walk the lone road together...

I'll post my findings in a future post, so until that time, Au revoir!!

World Aids Day

Its not about wearing the ribbon for today. Its about changing the way you think. The things that you say about it. The way you behave.

They need just your hand to hold onto in their loneliness. Please, if you know of anyone around you who is suffering alone, please do not treat them like they can kill you with their presence.

Most of all, get wise about HIV and AIDS. Know the facts and don't ever spread false information. What you know can never hurt you..

To all the beautiful people out there for whom we wear this ribbon, we are right here, you are never alone.

You can learn more about HIV and AIDS at The HIV Information Site

Long time no see???

Well well, its been some time since I last blogged..... blame it all on the huge merger that my organisation is going through .....

With all the things said about mergers and acquisitions, it is interesting to watch one happen so close. Maybe a book about the same is in the offing......

"Merger, he wrote"????? Maybe maybe.......

Nevertheless, in the words of the most famous Austrian alive ....... I'LL BE BACK